Blaming the dog
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard it.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a motorbike starting up. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
The genie with a hearing problem
A guy walks into a bar carrying a shopping bag. He places it on the bar, reaches into the bag, and pulls out an old oil lamp, a tiny grand piano (with bench), and a foot tall miniature man in a tuxedo. The little man sits down and starts to play the piano.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "Where did you get that?" The guy points to the lamp and says, "That's a magic lamp with a genie inside, but he's hard of hearing."
The bartender grabs the lamp and starts rubbing it. He yells, "I want a million bucks!"
There is a flash of light and a puff of smoke. Suddenly the bar is filled with ducks. A million ducks, crowding the bar and the street outside. Quacking, pooping, peeing, etc. The bartender looks puzzled and says, "What happened?"
The guy says, "I told you the genie was hard of hearing - do you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
No Fly Zone
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing, she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responded.
"Oh, killing any?" she asked.
"Yep! I got 3 males and 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded: "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!"
